Day 18 : 30 Facts About Me

Menulis 30 fakta dari seorang yang cukup tertutup tidaklah mudah, kawan. So, let me to write in english for today, because it’s hard dude. Saya tidak ingin membuat tulisan ini sebagai another 30 random facts about me, because who am I, seriously? Jadi saya akan coba kategori menjadi tiga jenis. Who am I, yang menyebutkan fakta mengenai diri saya secara personal, mentally, dan mungkin internal struggles. How am I, yang menyebutkan fakta mengenai bagaimana karakter dari personal, physically. What am I akan menyebutkan personal saya dan beberapa fakta tentang hal hal eksternal. Okay, here we go

Who am I?

1. I am the youngest kid. I have a brother and both my parents are well and alive. Despite the dream family people see about us, we still have issues. I for one are not having it easy on life. I bleed so many times. But that’s just on life. Just saying, you don’t really see what you see.
2. I am strong and a little bit stubborn. I laugh all the time but underneath I am a sensitive person. I cry a lot by myself and never tell anybody about it. I observe and see others pain and take care of it, even if they don’t see the pain of my face.
3. Despite my numb personality, I am a very good listener. So people gonna come and talk their problem to me, and sometimes I’d like to help. Because it help me forget my own problem. Yeah, we are what we are.
4. As you guys may know, again. I got bullied when I was in school. I don’t know what the reason, but I guess we’re kid after all. But, it don’t justified the pain they put me those whole years. But, I’m past those pain. I’m way ahead of them anyway who trap themselves under a same people in a small city. So, it’s their lose
5. Okay. I have a ‘little mysterious guy’ inside my head, sometimes it’s nice, other time it’s bad. I go to psychologist at least four to seven every year and psychiatrist give me the name of ‘it’. But, of course I forget all about it.
6. Speaking of which, I am a very forgetful person. I can forget things that come up to my head like one second ago. It started when I try to forget every bad memory I had. Because I don’t want to remember those pain. And sometimes I got those distorted memory. Well, yeah.
7. I always think a lot before and after I do and said something. So, if you guys think I make mistakes. Don’t you worry guys, I’ve already punish myself all the time.
8. I am an introvert person who cover myself with being ambivert in society. But seriously guys, I can do all week just stay at my room with no other person at all. I am a proud ISTJ. You guys try this MBTI test tho. It help me to understand myself.
9. I am always be the one who bottled up my feeling. But when the jar is breaking. I’ll go to all of my people I know and tell all the things that burden me so much. I’ll regret every single time. But, it help me get through what’s inside my head, I guess.
10. I think about darkness thing most of the time. And when the time comes, I don’t allow anyone to get near because boy it’s dark. But in those times, I need people the most. I know it, but I can’t say it, somehow. So, for those who stick around even if I’ve always say ‘I want to be alone’ or ‘Leave me alone’, well I can’t thank enough. You saved my life, guys.

How Am I ?

1. I have kind of paranoia of my health being. I always measure every sugar and natrium intake I take, because I don’t wanna have that kind of disease when I’m getting old. But seriously, sometimes it drive me mad. You’re afraid what you don’t understand after all.
2. I have digestion problem since I was baby. I got hospitalized for two weeks because of it when I was baby. And here I am handling my GERD (that acting up every single time life hit me) and some other digestion problem for at least once or twice a week. Phew.
3. I have a lot of insecurities. Sometimes, it’s about my hair, my body, my weight and height. But mostly about my weird personality.
4. I am about 159 cm which is pretty okay for me. But for my workplace that height is kind of important for them. Well yeah, I’m pretty short. But I don’t care.
5. I have a really messy curly hair that I got from my dad. It’s been a burden for me but now I really love it. Well, it’s really hard to tame. But it fits perfectly with my round face.
6. I have a very chubby cheeks. My brother used to pinch my cheeks every single time when he’s around. It’s annoying. Even if I am losing weight, my cheeks are not going anywhere.
7. I have a ugly little toe nail. It’s almost like I don’t have any nail, just a little dot over there. Ugh. It’s funny to see tho.
8. I have a natural good eyebrow. So, I never get any treatment for my eyebrow or even use any eyebrow pencil.
9. I do yoga (almost) every single day, about 30 minutes a day. I learn from Sarah Beth Yoga on Youtube, you guys go watch it. I really love her.
10. I always look at myself at the mirror. Look at my face, body, my flaws and strength. Even said to her ‘you’re gonna make it out and gonna be okay’ for every time I feel bad about myself. Pretty cliché, but who cares?

What Am I ?

1. Music saved me, maybe couple times. So, I am into music. I’d have a frog voice, but I’d like to sing and always listen music in every single activities I do. Somehow, it heals in the darkest time.
2. I read mostly about psychology and self help book all the time. I begin with the intention to understand myself a little better all the time.
3. As you guys may know. I speak/write in english when it comes to sensitive issues about me. Such as personal life, feeling, and so on. And mostly when I feel like breaking into pieces.
4. I’m not good when it comes to what I wear. Every clothes, bag and shoes contain almost the same color. I’m not into fashion, I guess. I’ll stick up to my styles anyway.
5. Maybe because I’m the youngest kid or what, I don’t know. But, I can’t handle kids. Like it would be totally awkward every single time. Lol
6. I love animal and flower so much, but I don’t have many. Because, I know I’m not good at saying goodbye. So, I better keep the one I can take care of.
7. I’m into The Sims, since I was kid. But, when I was kid I don’t have that many access. So, now as a young adult I’m not ashamed to play god with my sim all the time.
8. I freaking love matcha! I know it seems mainstream, and all the people do it. But seriously, I can drink matcha all day. The sweetness underneath those bitterness. It’s just a perfect combo.
9. Speaking of drink, I addicted to coffee. You know, I used to drink coffee all the time, kopi susu, americano, cappuccino, flat white you name it. But because one of my health issues. I just cut it out, like it never matter anymore. I still wonder tho where those power comes from, because I never cut ties with coffee since forever. But here I am.
10. I have hard time for opening up about my personal life. So you wonder how hard it is for me to write this, let alone this whole #30DaysWritingChallenge. I am conflicted person. But with all those stupid journey, I have a pretty cool friends, good and quiet boyfriend, and conflicted, clingy yet caring family. So I guess, all is good. All will be good.

May only good things comes for you also. All is well.