Day 11: About Brother

Today, we talk about another family stories, sibling. Uh, you know it’s hard. However, having a sibling probably the blessing in disguise that I got in life. I have a sibling, a brother. Our relationship is complicated one. Well, we don’t always see eye to eye. There are time we simply don’t talk to each other. Because, life’s getting in the way of it. But after all, we do love each other, I guess.

Growing up, I don’t have anyone to look up to. Anyone who I could copy, anyone to make me understand my place in this shitty life. So, I look up to him, because I don’t have any choice. I’ve lived in his shadow for quite some times. Seeing him as the better version of who I can ever be. And on the other hand, we didn’t act like sibling at those times. Like I said, It’s complicated. But that’s just how life is. None of our mistake. That’s just the way it is.

Different Roads, Miles World Apart

When I’m thinking of my brother and our relationship in the past. I always play ‘If I could tell her’ from one of broadway play, Dear Evan Hansen in my head. ‘But we’re million worlds apart, I don’t know how I would even start’ so it said. My brother is kind of the exact opposite of I am. He’ll be the one who always love pep talk, and I’m the one who always hate and kind of dissing it up. He’s gonna bottle up all his emotion and I’m the one who shout it up and tell the worlds how suck life is. Yup, he’s the north of my south,Steve Jobs of my Bill Gates, or even Cain of my Abel. And that’s all the more reason we do need and attract to each other.

I saw him as father (and mother) figure who I should respect, copy, and care about his well being. But how could I do all those things when we both don’t capable of showing our feeling. So, he’s not having it easy I guess. I mean, it’s not easy to catch up on life, while another human saw and copied every move he make. I bet that’s a hard one. It took a loooong time to make myself get out of those shadow of him. After all, finding and accepting ourselves is the hardest thing in life, right?

I guess the idea of having sibling to make you less lonely is kind of true. Growing up with him and all those stories we had. Phew, as Charles Dickens said ‘’It was the best of times, it was the worst of times’, I found myself smiling and crying at the same times. Despite our complicated relationship, having him around probably the best thing life ever gave to me. It was a dark times indeed, but it was also the good one I guess.

“We’ve taken different paths
And travelled different roads”

Brother — Kodaline

The Brother I need

To be honest, I don’t have a lot words to describe him as person and our relationship as brother. I wanna give some space of all my stories, I guess. Speaking of which, space indeed give us some time to think and reflects on life. It’s been years I’ve been talk with my brother every single day. Talk about feeling and life. We’re both handle our battle alone and never been hand in hand. But, guess what? Maybe that’s exactly what we need.

Although, I’ve never imagine to have this kind of relationship with my brother or even anyone. The kind of unbreakable bond (hopefully) we do have. We’re basically talk and discuss every single thing in life. I cried when he’s not having it easy, and laugh when he share some daddy jokes. How could that happen, anyway? I guess as we’re both growing old, we know life will never get easier. And it’s nice to have someone on your back, isn’t it?

When I was kid or even until now, I’d always imagine ‘what would it like for having a sister or even a younger one’ ‘what would it like if my brother is the one who keep me in tabs?’. But it doesn’t change the fact what kind of lemon life gonna give me. I will never trade him for the world, I guess. He’s not the best brother like society always talk about, and I’ve never will be the best sister either. But he’s the one I need. The one sibling who give me space when I need it, never defending me but give me a lot of lesson about life, the one who show me how to survive and stand up for myself on this very world. He’s the brother I need.

“I know we’ll always end up on the same one when we’re old
And when you’re in the trenches
And you’re under fire I will cover you”

Brother — Kodaline

I don’t think that I did it good today. Well, talking about the only one I treasure in my family is hard, dude. I mean, what choice do I have tho? But, you know no matter how messed up your family is. They’re still the one we’re looking for when we’re getting lost. The only one who stay even if you try to rip it of into pieces. I hope, that’s true. Alright , brother if you reading this. I hope not, but I know you do. I know you’re good at pep talk, but let me try.

I’m sorry for hating you because what you did and didn’t do, that’s on me. Stop forcing yourself to save everyone in the room. The only one you need to save is only yourself. You can’t save anyone. Remember to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before put it on anyone else. I know, I can be a bitch sometimes but you do know I love you, right? eww I just got chills. Please, stop giving me all those theories of yours. And again please, get a life, you do deserve it.

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An amateur storyteller and featured enthusiast

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